Today:
07:45 woke up
08:00 - 12:30 job 1 (luckily I live literally around the corner from my work)
12:30 - 16:30 I had a friend come around (lunch)
16:30 - 18:00 Masters, scholarships
18:00 - 20:30 studying (uni)
20:30 - 21:15 watching TV with my parents
21:15 - 00:15 blogging
Not many things I did, but what I did do, it was pretty productive. If there wasn't for this project, I probably would have spend the day pretty much the same, only feeling less guilty.
However, I would have started this post with: "Today I failed at my project." if minutes before I started writing I didn't receive a very supportive Facebook message from my friend Michael from Switzerland, in which there was the following:
Of course, advices like this are comforting. It helps not loosing your faith and keeping up. It tells you you're not alone, that you're not mistaking, that what happens to you, happens to everyone.
On the other hand, I don't feel like being comforted. I mean, of course I do, everyone does. We all need a hug and an "Everything will be alright!" when it's hard.
A close friend of mine often tells me I'm being too strict with myself and that I should give myself a break. But I'm doubting how good comfort is. As my macroeconomics professor once said: "It has to be painful". In other words - if it's hard, you are progressing. It means you're facing stuff that are challenging, or new. It gets you out of your comfort zone.
Skipping things that are hard, or looking for comfort is staying in your comfort zone. I believe most of us learned the most from the worst times in our lives, when we felt helpless, when we though everything is falling apart. When we were struggling to put ourselves in a better position. I know I did.
However, this advice is right at it's many points: you can't struggle non-stop. Even the mighty computer needs to be turned off so it would work properly again, not to mention people, being creatures of will, emotions and moods.
At this point, or better say - this whole week, what I'm doing is pushing harder, but my marginal utility is dropping. Even in my experience this state does not bring forth any good results. I feel that I need to rest, to "recreate". If there wasn't for the project, I certainly would, but I'm trying to keep the consistency. That was the whole idea anyway, wasn't it: give 30 days of my life to the experiment.
As I was talking to my friend today about what will happen after the experiment is done, a thought crossed my mind: "How did I ever do anything without having the program?". It was 24 years of somewhat achievements, what put me in order, made me do stuff?
And it's this one thing - will. Sometimes you need nothing more than that, no outside force to make you do stuff. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty proud of myself for having done so much, just organically. And I think it is a very important thing to have in mind when I get (some time) to think about what will happen next.
Will I give myself a week of a break after it ends?
I will still have to keep going to job 1...
If I use this weekend, and every next, well enough to properly rest, will it be sufficient?
When I started a project my mother told me a month is insufficient for gaining routine...
In conclusion, I would like to wish you this song, that my friend, Kaća Mladenović, reminded me of in her comment on my last few days:
Until tomorrow,
Live the Journey and Keep the faith!
07:45 woke up
08:00 - 12:30 job 1 (luckily I live literally around the corner from my work)
12:30 - 16:30 I had a friend come around (lunch)
16:30 - 18:00 Masters, scholarships
18:00 - 20:30 studying (uni)
20:30 - 21:15 watching TV with my parents
21:15 - 00:15 blogging
Not many things I did, but what I did do, it was pretty productive. If there wasn't for this project, I probably would have spend the day pretty much the same, only feeling less guilty.
However, I would have started this post with: "Today I failed at my project." if minutes before I started writing I didn't receive a very supportive Facebook message from my friend Michael from Switzerland, in which there was the following:
"Be
aware that progress towards your goals will never be in a straight line. It
will always be a wavy line: Two steps forward, one step back.
That
can be discouraging at points where you discover that you just slipped a step
back. You think you are failing or you are losing it... But you really don't!
You are simply in step with the natural rhythm of progress. If you understand
that, you can build that in to your schedule. Plan your "comeback"
while you are on top and block out time to get away from everything, recreate
and refresh. That will make your comeback doing the two steps forward much more
exciting."
It is a fragment from an audio book he was "reading" that he offered to share with me, so I still can't reference it, but I'm looking forward to receiving it and sharing it with you, too.
Of course, advices like this are comforting. It helps not loosing your faith and keeping up. It tells you you're not alone, that you're not mistaking, that what happens to you, happens to everyone.
On the other hand, I don't feel like being comforted. I mean, of course I do, everyone does. We all need a hug and an "Everything will be alright!" when it's hard.
A close friend of mine often tells me I'm being too strict with myself and that I should give myself a break. But I'm doubting how good comfort is. As my macroeconomics professor once said: "It has to be painful". In other words - if it's hard, you are progressing. It means you're facing stuff that are challenging, or new. It gets you out of your comfort zone.
Skipping things that are hard, or looking for comfort is staying in your comfort zone. I believe most of us learned the most from the worst times in our lives, when we felt helpless, when we though everything is falling apart. When we were struggling to put ourselves in a better position. I know I did.
However, this advice is right at it's many points: you can't struggle non-stop. Even the mighty computer needs to be turned off so it would work properly again, not to mention people, being creatures of will, emotions and moods.
At this point, or better say - this whole week, what I'm doing is pushing harder, but my marginal utility is dropping. Even in my experience this state does not bring forth any good results. I feel that I need to rest, to "recreate". If there wasn't for the project, I certainly would, but I'm trying to keep the consistency. That was the whole idea anyway, wasn't it: give 30 days of my life to the experiment.
As I was talking to my friend today about what will happen after the experiment is done, a thought crossed my mind: "How did I ever do anything without having the program?". It was 24 years of somewhat achievements, what put me in order, made me do stuff?
And it's this one thing - will. Sometimes you need nothing more than that, no outside force to make you do stuff. Now that I think of it, I'm pretty proud of myself for having done so much, just organically. And I think it is a very important thing to have in mind when I get (some time) to think about what will happen next.
Will I give myself a week of a break after it ends?
I will still have to keep going to job 1...
If I use this weekend, and every next, well enough to properly rest, will it be sufficient?
When I started a project my mother told me a month is insufficient for gaining routine...
In conclusion, I would like to wish you this song, that my friend, Kaća Mladenović, reminded me of in her comment on my last few days:
Until tomorrow,
Live the Journey and Keep the faith!
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