Tiredness continues... I had less than 8 hours of sleep last night again and I don't think my body and my mind got used to having to be engaged this intensively. The stress about having to watch the time all the time that I talked about yesterday - well, today it has proven itself even more.
But, you know.. I was expecting this. Not only this! I am expecting even bigger obstacles to overcome and temptations to resist. I was expecting my will to start giving me doubts and start persuading me how maybe this all really doesn't have that much of a point. Trying to convince me to "just this once, chill out... have a cigarette in peace... and dedicate the whole hour to blogging! Because, really, not riding a bicycle this once won't change anything...". You know, the usual quitter's voices in the head. But, I just looked to left today and said: "I was expecting you, you little devil!" and cuffed it off! :)
What makes me sad is that I literally have no time to think about this during the day, to contemplate the processes, and I so much wished to! Not to mention I have no time "to stop"... :)
I'll see how the weekend goes, maybe my mind will open up. If not, expect more blog updates even after 15th December! :)
Something new: things I run into and watch randomly, like, some irrelevant YouTubes or articles, friends photos and such - I can feel piling up! But, having very precise schedule, I just "mark as read" them, or ignore and reject them without having second thoughts. And it feels double-natured. On one hand, not only that I feel like I'm missing out, but it feels like I'm forbidden to watch whatever I feel like watching (oh, and I definitely do not react on prohibits with obedience! If you don't believe me, ask my parents :))! Like there's no more leisure Internet browsing, and it frustrates me a bit.
On the other hand, it is so relieving!! No.. no! "x" ... nop! Not interested.. "x"
I now know exactly what important stuff to me are! I gave it a thought, I set the goal, I know where I'm heading and I know how much I wanna go there! And I finally can just click "x" to all the rest!! It feels so good!
Random browsing is brilliant! Just being lead by your instincts and genuine interests can get you amazing places! But, having only 16 active hours a day (which is so much, but so little at the same time... I hope I'll get back to it in one of the next posts), I'd rather do what I know will take me somewhere for now. I'm curious to see what will happen with my informedness and versatility in a week or two.
Also, Glee goes on my nervs! I'm gonna have to change the show to watch while riding a bike! Any suggestions?
07:00 yup! woke up - again! :) (breakfast)
07:30 - 10:15 studying
10:15 - 11:00 watching TV O.O
11:00 - 12:00 studying
12:00 - 13:00 (lunch)
13:00 - 15:30 job 2
Tomorrow I am off for the school of blog and I'm looking forward to tomorrow's day having to be the one where there's no schedule! Hihi. TGIF!!
For the end, here's what my most favorite blogger, Seth Godin, sent me yesterday:
Worth it?
But, you know.. I was expecting this. Not only this! I am expecting even bigger obstacles to overcome and temptations to resist. I was expecting my will to start giving me doubts and start persuading me how maybe this all really doesn't have that much of a point. Trying to convince me to "just this once, chill out... have a cigarette in peace... and dedicate the whole hour to blogging! Because, really, not riding a bicycle this once won't change anything...". You know, the usual quitter's voices in the head. But, I just looked to left today and said: "I was expecting you, you little devil!" and cuffed it off! :)
What makes me sad is that I literally have no time to think about this during the day, to contemplate the processes, and I so much wished to! Not to mention I have no time "to stop"... :)
I'll see how the weekend goes, maybe my mind will open up. If not, expect more blog updates even after 15th December! :)
Something new: things I run into and watch randomly, like, some irrelevant YouTubes or articles, friends photos and such - I can feel piling up! But, having very precise schedule, I just "mark as read" them, or ignore and reject them without having second thoughts. And it feels double-natured. On one hand, not only that I feel like I'm missing out, but it feels like I'm forbidden to watch whatever I feel like watching (oh, and I definitely do not react on prohibits with obedience! If you don't believe me, ask my parents :))! Like there's no more leisure Internet browsing, and it frustrates me a bit.
On the other hand, it is so relieving!! No.. no! "x" ... nop! Not interested.. "x"
I now know exactly what important stuff to me are! I gave it a thought, I set the goal, I know where I'm heading and I know how much I wanna go there! And I finally can just click "x" to all the rest!! It feels so good!
Random browsing is brilliant! Just being lead by your instincts and genuine interests can get you amazing places! But, having only 16 active hours a day (which is so much, but so little at the same time... I hope I'll get back to it in one of the next posts), I'd rather do what I know will take me somewhere for now. I'm curious to see what will happen with my informedness and versatility in a week or two.
Also, Glee goes on my nervs! I'm gonna have to change the show to watch while riding a bike! Any suggestions?
So, here's my today's timeline:
07:00 yup! woke up - again! :) (breakfast)
07:30 - 10:15 studying
10:15 - 11:00 watching TV O.O
11:00 - 12:00 studying
12:00 - 13:00 (lunch)
13:00 - 15:30 job 2
16:00 - 18:00 looking for scholarship
18:00 - 20:00 studying (uni)
21:00 - 22:00 riding a bike
22:00 - 23:45 blog update
18:00 - 20:00 studying (uni)
21:00 - 22:00 riding a bike
22:00 - 23:45 blog update
I again didn't make it to play guitar today. Two hours for job 2 today flew by, I made it to do so little, so I just stepped on half an hour in guitar practicing time. So, I just played for 10 minutes maybe.
With scholarships it went really bad today, also. Half of the time I spent trying to keep my spine straight and not bend over under the weight of fatigue. The other half I was trying to put together my CV...eerie.
I have pangs of conscience when anything in my timetable is skipped. I feel like the day was not a success it was supposed to be. However, looking at today's day, apart from not playing the guitar, it was a good day. As it usually is, studying generates the feeling of ultimate fulfilment and I spent 5 hours in studying today! I'm not satisfied still, because the number of hours doesn't mean knowledge, and I'm not satisfied with my level of knowledge yet...
With scholarships it went really bad today, also. Half of the time I spent trying to keep my spine straight and not bend over under the weight of fatigue. The other half I was trying to put together my CV...eerie.
I have pangs of conscience when anything in my timetable is skipped. I feel like the day was not a success it was supposed to be. However, looking at today's day, apart from not playing the guitar, it was a good day. As it usually is, studying generates the feeling of ultimate fulfilment and I spent 5 hours in studying today! I'm not satisfied still, because the number of hours doesn't mean knowledge, and I'm not satisfied with my level of knowledge yet...
Tomorrow I am off for the school of blog and I'm looking forward to tomorrow's day having to be the one where there's no schedule! Hihi. TGIF!!
For the end, here's what my most favorite blogger, Seth Godin, sent me yesterday:
Worth it?
That's a question you hear a lot. "Was it worth it?"
Not certain what either "it" refers to, but generally we're saying, "was the destination worth the journey? Was the effort worth the reward?"
The thing about effort is that effort is its own reward if you allow it to be.
So the answer can always be "yes" if you let it.
What else to say than: Thank you, Mr. Godin, for, once again, saying just what I need to hear and in the way that I actually do hear it.
P.S. I'm sorry for the TLTR situation here! I don't know where it all came from, I though I had no time for thinking! :)
Not certain what either "it" refers to, but generally we're saying, "was the destination worth the journey? Was the effort worth the reward?"
The thing about effort is that effort is its own reward if you allow it to be.
So the answer can always be "yes" if you let it.
What else to say than: Thank you, Mr. Godin, for, once again, saying just what I need to hear and in the way that I actually do hear it.
P.S. I'm sorry for the TLTR situation here! I don't know where it all came from, I though I had no time for thinking! :)
Man ur cool :). I love the way you blog! And don't forget how important it is "to stop". Even if just for a moment. Stop. Stop everything. Just, be. Even just for a second. Stop, and be. Can't wait to read ur next installments!!
ReplyDeleteThank yooou :)
ReplyDeleteI scheduled stopping, too! On my way to uni and back, twice a week I need to use public transport - perfect situation to stop! :)
Joking a bit (and not at the same time), I understand the importance of stopping, will do my best to apply it as much as possible.
Maybe when I really get my routine? :)