The first weekend. Oh, lucky me! Three days long one!
I spent it at a conference on blogging, in lovely nature of Fruška Gora.
How was my weekend considering the routine...and what are the consequences to it!?
Having started this project gave me an incredible drive and feeling of confidence. The feeling I get when there's a goal that I see ahead of me and all that's left is to achieve it! Just seeing it and spending time in trying to reach it is enough to give you a feeling of life not wasted, but on the contrary!
One of my favorite tweets says something like: "I have it all planed, now I just need to not realize it!". Exactly how most of my plans in life had finished. There you have a content of my plan and, there you have my life too, but on a slightly different wave length.
First of all, the perception of time, my God! I would, for instance, totally miss out time to actually arrive from point A to point B, or would make a plan to study for 10 hours a day, or would think that I can, if I try well enough, resist everything that brings joy, like seeing friends, going out, just hangin' - for a higher goal...
On top of it all, I wouldn't project myself actually spending time like that (if I did, I would have seen how unsustainable it was). I would just spend time feeling guilty for not doing what I'm supposed to instead of doing what I felt like doing... So then I wouldn't even do what I feel like! At the end, it turns out you're sitting on your arse all day, busy with nibbling your nails over all the things that woulda, coulda, shoulda...
Before putting together the schedule, this time I was determined to make it a good one. A real one, which considered giving a good thought to what it is I wanna spent my time on, what it is that I don't wanna stop doing, what it is that I have to start doing...and how much time it requires, sleeping, preparing food, not teleporting, eating, and breathing included!
Having made that kind of a plan, I'm starting to believe that spontaneity is a matter of nurture.
I officially, formally, had no obligations during the weekend whatsoever and that's how I was acting. But it felt like a waste of time. Why is it that there's an hour to eat, when I'm used to...well, eating while scrolling my mouse?! What do I do with all that time? And just how much things I could have done... !
I obviously did catch a certain tempo..
But I'm not giving up on weekends, no! No plans there still, I don't know where this will go. I don't wanna end up blaming the circumstances or deciding in the middle that the plan was not well built. That's why I need to have that reserve time.
And for leisure, too.
Good aspects this weekend: I woke up early all three mornings. Not exactly 7 a.m. but it was an actual morning, even after the night out and even when there was nothing in particular to do that early.
Bad aspects: diet. I was so not sticking to how I should eat! The reason, or excuse, was that I was not at home, but at a hotel. Reality is, I could've still chosen what to eat.
It just felt wrong. So wrong that I don't feel like repeating the same thing; even the feeling of secretly being happy for not taking care was not worth it.
In final words, the weekend was good but I was hardly waiting for it to stop so I could go back to my schedule and all the things that - I realised - made me feel so content.
...Which is confusing. This is supposed to be hard.
I spent it at a conference on blogging, in lovely nature of Fruška Gora.
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| Here's a photo I made on my way to the conference. |
Having started this project gave me an incredible drive and feeling of confidence. The feeling I get when there's a goal that I see ahead of me and all that's left is to achieve it! Just seeing it and spending time in trying to reach it is enough to give you a feeling of life not wasted, but on the contrary!
One of my favorite tweets says something like: "I have it all planed, now I just need to not realize it!". Exactly how most of my plans in life had finished. There you have a content of my plan and, there you have my life too, but on a slightly different wave length.
First of all, the perception of time, my God! I would, for instance, totally miss out time to actually arrive from point A to point B, or would make a plan to study for 10 hours a day, or would think that I can, if I try well enough, resist everything that brings joy, like seeing friends, going out, just hangin' - for a higher goal...
On top of it all, I wouldn't project myself actually spending time like that (if I did, I would have seen how unsustainable it was). I would just spend time feeling guilty for not doing what I'm supposed to instead of doing what I felt like doing... So then I wouldn't even do what I feel like! At the end, it turns out you're sitting on your arse all day, busy with nibbling your nails over all the things that woulda, coulda, shoulda...
Before putting together the schedule, this time I was determined to make it a good one. A real one, which considered giving a good thought to what it is I wanna spent my time on, what it is that I don't wanna stop doing, what it is that I have to start doing...and how much time it requires, sleeping, preparing food, not teleporting, eating, and breathing included!
Having made that kind of a plan, I'm starting to believe that spontaneity is a matter of nurture.
I officially, formally, had no obligations during the weekend whatsoever and that's how I was acting. But it felt like a waste of time. Why is it that there's an hour to eat, when I'm used to...well, eating while scrolling my mouse?! What do I do with all that time? And just how much things I could have done... !
I obviously did catch a certain tempo..
But I'm not giving up on weekends, no! No plans there still, I don't know where this will go. I don't wanna end up blaming the circumstances or deciding in the middle that the plan was not well built. That's why I need to have that reserve time.
And for leisure, too.
Good aspects this weekend: I woke up early all three mornings. Not exactly 7 a.m. but it was an actual morning, even after the night out and even when there was nothing in particular to do that early.
Bad aspects: diet. I was so not sticking to how I should eat! The reason, or excuse, was that I was not at home, but at a hotel. Reality is, I could've still chosen what to eat.
It just felt wrong. So wrong that I don't feel like repeating the same thing; even the feeling of secretly being happy for not taking care was not worth it.
In final words, the weekend was good but I was hardly waiting for it to stop so I could go back to my schedule and all the things that - I realised - made me feel so content.
...Which is confusing. This is supposed to be hard.
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